One of the most common concerns expressed by family members of those with dementia or Alzheimer’s Disease is that they no longer know how to communicate with their loved one in a meaningful way. Visits become emotionally draining and exhausting, and family members leave feeling frustrated and defeated by the disease process unfolding before them. It is important to remember that dementia is a progressive disease, meaning it is constantly changing. Stages represent different challenges for the person with the disease and those who provide care, and also those who have been in a relationship must adapt, sometimes several times a day, and certainly, as the weeks and days unfold.
In our training of caregivers at Golden Heart Senior Care, we recommend using observation skills to determine what the approach for the day should be. Is the person calm or agitated? Do you notice a fidgety or restless demeanor, or is the individual passive and even showing signs of being sleepy? How are the verbal skills today? Is he/she conversational or quiet? Do you sense an aggressive tendency or is this a day (moment) of cooperation? All of these things will assist you in knowing what YOUR approach should be. It is YOU that has the ability to adapt and change, not the person you are visiting, and your shifting your approach can make all the difference in the success of the visit.
If you sense agitation and fidgeting, offer to take a walk. Sometimes a change of scenery or a little exercise helps to tone down these symtoms. If the individual is aggressive, never attempt to be physically overpowering. Speak quietly and calmly, hum, sit at a distance, and even pick up a book or magazine and begin to read….remain present, but not invasive.
If you sense cooperation and an encounter that is welcoming, you may approach gently, offer a hug, and speak in normal, conversational tones. Wait longer than usual for responses to your questions or comments, and listen carefully to responses so that you can interact with the reality of the person’s world. EXAMPLE: “What have you been doing today?” RESPONSE: I took a bus to Columbus to see my Mother”. YOU: ” You always enjoy that trip to Columbus….was it a good visit today?” No reality orientation allows for a less frustrating experience, and in reality, satisfies the person with dementia, which creates a much more harmonious atmosphere and results in a happier visit for all.
Finally…..choose the best time of day to visit based on past experience. If your loved one suffers from Sundowner Syndrome, avoid the late afternoon and early evening hours. Remember that a shorter, happier visit is far superior to a lengthy, frustrating one. And…remember that feeling guilty about not visiting frequently or long enough does not help in creating a positive, fulfilling experience for yourself or the person you are visiting.
